In-Yeon

There is a concept in Buddhist-Korean called “In-Yeon”. It refers to connection, fated, and predestined between two people.

Tonight’s taste of air feels familiar yet foreign. I was scanning all over the room, realizing there was no more space I could visit later. You were almost halfway there while I was miles away back from you. Our favorite meals feel tasteless or it was just because we felt too much that day. I’ve never felt such devotion as well as huge frustration and disappointment for someone. You left me senseless by throwing a strong-sweet sauce to your words and it turned bitter as it kills my sense. It’s a musky-tobacco vanilla scent that left on my shirt or just some warmth you gave me still lingers.

The fact that you chose to unfold the layers to me and how you managed to keep me feel home beside you by knowing some of the things in your life actually weighed you and I listened devotedly. I was so unsure about your intention while it’s actually been crystal clear since the day we went out and you begged me to wait for you few distance away and refused to walk from the gate along with me since it might drew attention. Surprisingly, we played quite well in the switching games, or perhaps it was because you got used to it. Heck, it’s a joyride to spend minutes with you and not fully aware that I might be lost in your game of mind.

I neither admire nor dislike you. It’s an indescribable emotion. I tried to redefine what was something that grew between us. It was a weird feeling to feel attached yet managed to remain disconnected from one another. I have plenty of ink to write to, but the blank canvas space you had has been entirely filled and there is no more white space left. You were almost finished with the shelters you built and I accidentally stopped by and ran out of space to stayed. It’s fascinating yet pathetic how you made me feel whole and drained me to ground right after. We traveled to the previous and the next, shared how many more months we had left and assumed you wanted to pause and stop and I failed myself since you insisted on continuing. It was all intoxicating every time you lent me your hand when I felt uneasy with all the stuff at work, sharing thoughts through enlightening conversation and fascinated by how you managed yourself during your lowest time, and unluckily I was there witnessing everything. Counting the days, we only delaying the leaving, slowly bid another goodbye(s)and wishing each other life.

Indeed, ‘it’s nice while it lasted’ sounds close to home now. Or the fact that I came to the realization of many unintentionally or might be a predestined fate I had so it tangled an invisible string to your life and now we chose to cut it off. The concept of grieving is perplexing when the ones you mourn are still close to you but you somewhat you feel the loss.

It’s the In-Yeon—the fate. Connecting the dots from the scattered moments, a hundred minutes, and many more days later, we chuckled together at one photograph I shot the day when I had my casual breakfast at one of my favorite restaurants and accidentally captured you in a photo with your peers. I can still remember where we sat opposite each other and what you were wearing that Saturday morning.

Refers to the meaning of Inyeon, “When someone walks into your life, be it a stranger who brushes against you in crowd or a future romantic partner, it may seem like a small thing at first. But according to inyeon, every encounter with someone holds weight and is considered a culmination of events that have taken place over thousands of years and multiple lifetimes”

If two people get married, they say it’s because there have been 8,000 layers of In-Yun, over 8,000 lifetimes.

I don't know if this concept of Inyeon implies, or whether it’s just a random universe way, but I’m thankful that I had to live this part of my lifetime and had a chapter meet you. Even if we didn’t have the exact eight thousand inyeons and lifetimes Inyeon to make things work, the amount of Inyeon that brought me to meet you is more than enough to have me learn some lessons and cherish kindness of yours while we’re together.

In the end, Inyeon’s value extends beyond the framework of romantic partners. It could be something you wished you could have a conversation with someone you met on some random morning and ended up as a good friend to know.

Nearly there, as you stated, it is a compromise that we needed. Mine was to compromise with what’s left, and yours was to compromise with the long voyage you had just begun.